Writing a Eulogy

Being asked to write and deliver a eulogy for a friend or loved one is truly an honor; however, it can be a difficult task because sometimes the thought of public speaking can throw people into a panic. If you have been asked to speak at the services of a loved one, have no fear. You were probably asked because of your close relationship to the deceased and helping others say goodbye can be a rewarding experience. Don’t worry about making mistakes. A eulogy that comes from the heart can never be wrong.

Answering these questions will give you some good ideas about what kinds of things to touch on during your eulogy

How did you and the deceased become close?
Is there a humorous or touching event that represents the essence of your passed loved one?
What did you and others love and admire about the deceased?
What will you miss most about him or her?
Special people in the life of the deceased
Significant events and dates
Important activities
Accomplishments
Favorite hobbies, beliefs, or things that were important to the deceased.

A eulogy doesn’t have to follow the formal rules of speechmaking. It need not be concise or particularly eloquent, and in fact, striving to achieve these qualities can actually take away from creating a good eulogy. When writing a eulogy, it is good to outline what you want to talk about and then fill in the outline. Here are some thoughts when filling in your outline. Good Stories that illustrate some of the best qualities or even the finest moments of the deceased. How did you first meet the deceased? What was the funniest thing that ever happened between you? What was the best or strongest thing the deceased ever said or did?

Pick three or four standout qualities of the deceased, then fully illustrate with examples of short anecdotes. What will you miss the most about him or her? What things did other people tell you about the deceased that resonated with you?

It’s okay to very briefly mention some of the negative qualities of the deceased. In some eulogies, this will add levity to the funeral proceedings and will make the good points more plausible. If possible, you can even use the deceased’s own words, such as regrets they had or things they admitted they could have improved on. The idea is to provide a true account of who the deceased is, and why you loved him or her. There is no need to assign sainthood.

Try to end the eulogy with the main point or a thought people can take to heart. Some eulogies end on an awkward silence when the speaker just stops talking. It can be distracting when the speaker has many good things to say but the audience is just kind of left hanging at the conclusion. Try to wrap up your eulogy with a firm ending.

You may find it useful to write an outline, it is recommended that the speaker writes how they talk. Your audience will want to feel like you are talking to them, not reading from a script. Keep in mind that some of the best eulogies are more conversational than formal. You can also read a poem as part of your message.

People will not expect a eulogy to be perfectly delivered or well-read. They’ll certainly understand if your voice cracks or if you cry. You might also stray from the speech you initially wrote if you feel moved by the moment. There’s no wrong way to deliver a heartfelt, honest memorial for someone you love and who was loved by those who are listening.

Obituaries can serve as a historical record for purposes of genealogy and tracing family history. For this purpose, consider including a mother’s maiden name, and biological parents as well as step-parents. Nieces and nephews might also be listed. Whether to list a divorced spouse’s name is a matter to be determined by the surviving family. Some families choose to recognize a divorced spouse by listing her/him as the mother/father of the deceased’s children.